


300 Years to Forgive

by marissalyn14



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hollstein - Freeform, Vamp!Laura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4797737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marissalyn14/pseuds/marissalyn14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla comes up with a way to keep Laura while also being able to stay mad at her. Is 300 years enough time for Carmilla to forgive and fall in love with Laura all over again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Laura lay in the guest room’s bed for the second day in a row, staring up at the ceiling as her eyes blinked slowly, irises blank of emotion. She had cried herself into exhaustion the day before. She had nothing left in herself for hope or wishful thinking. She simply had nothing left. It had been her fault. Everything had been her fault and she knew Carmilla had said quite a bit of things two days ago, but she had held back. She had bit her tongue instead of telling her that she was the reason her whole secondary family was dead. She failed to mention that she asked her to love her even when she didn’t plan on returning said emotion. Carmilla simply didn’t say all of the things that Laura knew were her fault and that she was the reason behind everything.

Laura knew that Carmilla loved her. She also knew that Carmilla now hated her. 

Watching Carmilla not kill anyone in the room, especially Danny, was a true act of strength. She could have easily killed all of them, and in death Laura wouldn’t have blamed her. Danny had killed her only true friend. Laura had given Danny the figurative ammo to kill Carmilla’s sister. LaFontaine had always wanted to nit pick and know everything about the biology of vampires, constantly driving Carmilla up the wall with questions. Kirsch had simply been Kirsch, and in the beginning even Carmilla had nipped him. 

Carmilla was a lot more than what she wanted people to think. She was a vampire that wanted to be painted a monster so that she had no expectations to uphold. She was a girl that had loved fiercely and without reason, who had trusted Laura blindly after only a few months of knowing her. She was the one woman Laura knew she would never get over. She had been Laura’s person. 

Lying in bed now was all that Laura seemed to be able to do. Staring up at the ceiling of an unfamiliar room that couldn’t remind her of anything was the only thing Laura felt she was capable of.

They had all left her alone, knowing that whatever they could possibly come up with to say would fall on deaf ears. Even Danny stayed away. And just as she should, because though Laura knew she was only trying to protect herself, she knew deep down that that wasn’t the reason Danny had killed Mattie. She did it out of shear hatred and anger. She did it because she wanted to believe that the deaths of eight sisters could be easily justified. Laura didn’t have the energy left in her to tell her she was wrong. 

They had all left her alone, not a single sound had been heard on the third floor in a solid 24 hours. Laura had decided that they had left the apartment all together. Left her to suffer quietly in her own misery. She convinced herself that it was the least she deserved. 

She figured that it was only a matter of time before Carmilla would leave campus. She was wrecking havoc now, but she’d eventually grow bored and move on. Just as she should, there was nothing tying her to this university anymore. Nothing. 

The silence was growing loud though, no white noise to silence Laura’s thundering thoughts and failed self-pity. It shocked her to hear the door to the guest room creek open. It shocked her even more to see the face behind it. 

Laura stayed silent as she sat up, watching her shut the door behind her. Watched her slowly make her way to the foot of the bed. Watched her stare at her. 

“Words cannot be construed to form sentences long enough to tell you how angry I am.” Carmilla said, her tone dead, the harshness gone.

Laura continued to not speak; figuring that anything she had to say was pointless. Carmilla didn’t care about any weak explanation or comforting thing she had to say. Why would she? Any one she had ever loved was dead. She herself was the last living one, and she wasn’t too sure she deserved Carmilla’s love anymore.

“I tried to think of how I would deal with you. How I could funnel my anger into killing you.” Carmilla said, her eyes cold. 

Laura swallowed, her throat dry. She figured Carmilla had thought about it, after all that pull on her hair two days ago wasn’t anything she had done before. It had hurt. A lot. 

“But no matter how worked up I made myself, I couldn’t get myself to come back here.” Carmilla said, “And it’s not because my mother lived here and it’s not because Mattie died here, but it’s because you’re here.” She shifted so that she was looking out the window at the expectant stars in the sky. “You’re here and I still get this stomach flipping nonsense whenever I think of you. You killed my sister inadvertently and I still love you.” She shook her head in clear distaste. “This is what Mattie had warned me about. What mother had held over my head for years.”

Laura sat silently, afraid that if she so much as moved, Carmilla would change her mind and suddenly find it in herself to kill her. 

“So I sat awake all today thinking of what I was going to do. I couldn’t just leave because you deserve to know what you’ve made me feel. The good, but more importantly the awful.” Carmilla turned back to her. “I can’t lose the last person that I have ever found it in myself to trust, to care for,” she tensed her jaw, “to love.” Moving around the bed to Laura’s side she continued, “So I’ve decided that you’re going to have to win me back, but a simple human’s lifetime isn’t going to be long enough for me to forgive you,” she leaned closer, “but three hundred years might.” 

Laura gasped, a vampire? Carmilla wanted to turn her? But how could she possibly want that? It was only a thing Laura had thought about on the verge of sleep, knowing that Carmilla would never agree to it. 

“It’s up to you though,” Carmilla said, pulling back slightly, “Is what we had worth it? How badly do you want us to be possible again?”

Laura blinked, a part of her wanted nothing more than a forever with Carmilla, but it was the Carmilla who was soft with her, who read to her in Latin and centuries old German. She wanted to spend an eternity with the Carmilla she had shared a room with while the world was slowly crashing down around them. She finally found the words to speak, remembering a conversation they had once had one night after their small section of the world had all gone to bed. “You said that you loved me too much to subject me to an eternity of hunger and youth.”

“Who said I still loved you like I did then?”

Laura felt tears flood her tear ducts, looking away from the vampire’s face. She still wanted it. She still wanted Carmilla. She wanted the possibility of one day having Carmilla love her again like she once had, so she nodded her head quickly. “Okay.”

“Okay what?” Carmilla asked. 

“Do it.” Laura whispered, “Turn me.”

Carmilla raised a brow, a bit surprised. “You’re sure? I’m not giving you an out years later once you regret me being your only constant.”

“As much as you hate me right now,” Laura started, her voice wet with emotion, “I don’t think I could ever regret that.”

Carmilla stayed silent for an entire minute. Finally nodding her head once, she leaned forward once more, her fangs lengthening as she tipped Laura’s head to the side and allowed herself what she had wanted ever since that night in their room when she had to chase William. Allowing the blood to flow over her tongue, she clenched her eyes shut and had to remind herself that the woman beneath her was not worthy of her love, at least not yet.


	2. Chapter 2

_ Day One of Forever - Silas _

Waking up slowly, Laura felt a throbbing in her head and an itch in her palms. Something hit her side as she stirred.

“Get up, let’s go.” Carmilla ordered, shuffling around the dark room. 

“Where are we going?”

“We’re leaving.” Carmilla said, exiting the room.

Laura shot out of bed and over to the door at that, following Carmilla down the hallway. “Leaving?”

Carmilla spun around to face her, “Yes, we’re leaving. There’s nothing here that calls for our attention anymore, and I need a change of scenery, and I’m also sick and tired of your insistent boner for saving everyone from everything.”

Laura was surprised not to feel the usual heat in her cheeks, remembering that she no longer would, she shook her head, “That’s who I am, Carm.”

“Not anymore it’s not, and if it is, I’ll kill you myself.” Carmilla moved into the study to grab a few books off the shelves that she had yet to read or cherished too much to leave behind. “When you live forever you need to stay low, not try and be the next savior of mankind or whatever annoying bullshit you have running through your head.” If she wasn’t so hell bent on being pissed, Carmilla would have mentioned that she loved that about her. “I’m not telling you to change, because unlike you, I would never do that to someone, but you’re going to have to realize at some point that not everyone is worth saving.” She turned to face her, “Just the people you absolutely can’t live without.”

Laura felt something in her chest shatter at that last part, knowing that what she had once had was gone now. She had pushed Carmilla too far, and in turn she was trying to do the same thing to her. She started to head back to the guest room where Carmilla had thrown a suitcase at her, “Fine, be mad at me all you want, but even you will have to find another emotion to feel at some point, and now you’ve ensured that I’ll be there when you do.”

Entering back into the guest room, she heard that vase that was on the table in the hallway smash into the wall.

_ Day 30 of Forever – Berlin _

"Move over." Laura told Carmilla as she went to sit beside her on the train.

Carmilla rolled her eyes, huffing as if it would take all her strength to slide her ass to the next seat by the window.

Laura plopped down beside her, setting her bag in her lap. “Thank you.”

Carmilla grunted in return, going back to her book, but she could feel Laura’s eyes on her. Without bothering to look up, she continued to read and asked, “What do you want?”

“I’m just wondering what you’re reading.”

“None of your business.” Carmilla quipped.

“How are you 354 years old again?”

“With plenty of years having to deal with annoying twits like you, sweetheart.”

_ Day 80 of Forever - Berlin _

Laura woke with a jolt in the middle of the day, eyes blinking to focus on the room dark with the curtains pulled, slowly beating heart hammering against her ribcage. She listened quietly for Carmilla’s slow breathing in the next room over, finding solace in the fact that she hadn’t left her. In the fact that no matter how angry at her she was, she still loved her, and she still wanted to have things work out one day.

Sitting up, she slipped out of bed and padded her way into Carmilla’s bedroom, and made herself comfortable on the couch at the foot of her bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

When she woke up, Carmilla was out.

_ Day 120 of Forever –Oslo _

Walking back to the hotel with two coffees in her gloved hands, Laura thought about all of the people she passed. All of the early evening joggers, the people driving home from work, the families looking in store windows, and dog walkers on their phones. She thought about how they were all going to die one day and she wouldn’t. How in a hundred years from now they’d all be resting in peace, while she would still be trying to win the love of her life back; 300 years, Carmilla had said, and 300 years Laura would wait.

She made it back to their room to find Carmilla staring out of the huge floor to ceiling windows at the sky. 

“Here, I got you some.” Laura said, handing over the coffee. 

“Thanks.” Carmilla said, pressing a kiss into the corner of Laura’s mouth without thinking. 

Laura froze. Were they doing that now? Was kissing okay? She went to open her mouth, but Carmilla quickly opened the sliding doors and went out onto the balcony, shutting it behind her.

_ Day 225 of Forever - Vienna _

Laura came home to find boxes littering the living room. Peeking into a few she found biography after research paper inside. “What is all of this?” She asked, finding Carmilla sitting on the floor in the kitchen, hair in a bun and pencil sticking out of her mouth. Laura ignored the thought of how cute Carmilla’s bare feet looked sticking out of _her_ leggings.

“Research.” Carmilla mumbled, her eyes never leaving the page.

Laura stepped around the pile of manila folders on the floor. “On what?” She asked, setting the bag with their Chinese take out on the counter.

“Queen Mary of Scotts.” Carmilla said, “Also spoons.”

“Spoons?” 

“Yes cupcake, spoons.”

Laura took out two plates and two cups. “Any reason you couldn’t have just gone to the library instead of bringing the entirety of its archive into our living room?”

“To piss you off.”

Laura sighed, letting that one go. “Anything interesting about spoons?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“Then why are you reading a book about them?”

“So I can say I know everything, after all you do know how I feel about lying, cutie.”

Laura almost broke the plate in half, hearing Carmilla grab the bag with their dinner in it and retreat to her room.

_ Day 304 of Forever -Paris _

Carmilla slammed Laura back into the wall, pressing her hips into her, causing them both to moan into the kiss.

Laura’s hands latched onto Carmilla’s waist, nails digging into the waistband of her pants. Nearly out of unneeded breath she asked between kisses, “What are we doing?”

“I’m fucking you.” Carmilla said, lips trailing down Laura’s clavicle.

“Why?” Laura asked, biting her lip so that another moan wouldn’t rip its way through her chest so easily. “You’ve been fucking random girls for weeks, I can smell it on you when you come home.”

“One of them tried to steal my wallet two weeks ago and I’m horny and you’re here, and if I remember correctly you were always good at eating me out.” Carmilla ripped off Laura’s shirt, “And now you don’t have to breathe.”

Laura lay awake long after Carmilla had returned to her own room and went to bed. She pressed her face into her pillow and tried to forget the tears in her eyes with the taste of Carmilla still on her tongue. 

They did it again for the next straight week. The last time, they didn’t even kiss.

_ One Year and A Day of Forever – London _

Laura followed Carmilla out of the club and down the sidewalk on the way back to their flat. “That was some new year’s party.” She said, giggling when she stumbled and nearly fell over.

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Whatever you say cutie, I only danced with you once, and that was after you started slurring your words.”

Laura pouted, “Don’t be mean, this is supposed to be fun.”

“Maybe to you, after all this is your twentieth new year’s. For me it’s over three hundred.”

“Yes, another reminder of how _fucking_ old you are, I get it Carm, you’re so cool and unbothered by society, while me, a baby vampire in your eyes, still has little to no experience beneath her belt.” Laura bit out, the alcoholic haze slipping off of her shoulders as if she was suddenly caught in an icy rainstorm. 

Carmilla unlocked the door to their flat, heading up the stairs to unlock their front door. “I’m only saying it like it is cupcake, no need to get all bristly.”

“I’m not the one that gets bristly here, Carmilla.”

“Fine, then how about bitchy?” Carmilla spit out, turning to glare at Laura.

Laura ground her teeth together, ready to punch Carmilla in the face when she shook her head, “I’m going to bed.”

“So am I, so you don’t get to lock the bathroom door, I’ve got to brush my teeth.” Carmilla said, following Laura into their shared bathroom and wet her toothbrush.

Laura scoffed, clearly pissed that she would have to pee for the fifth time this week with her ex girlfriend in the room. Pushing up her dress she nearly twisted an ankle in her heels, growling when she heard Carmilla chuckling as she looked at her in the mirror. “I hate you.”

Carmilla spit into the sink, toothpaste still on her bottom lip, “I love you too, cupcake.”

Laura rolled her eyes. Sure they shared a bathroom and lived in the same flat, but they had separate bedrooms and hadn’t kissed since the last time they had both been drunk enough two months before. She was really starting to grow tired of having to work at getting Carmilla to forgive her. The older girl hadn’t budged in the slightest, and Laura felt like she was going to find a gray hair every time she looked in a mirror, even though she knew it to be physically impossible, because of the guilt riding heavy on her shoulders. 

As much as she hated to admit it, she would be there in the morning ready to try all over again to win Carmilla back, even if she wasn’t _her_ Carmilla anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3

_ 5 Years and 245 Days of Forever – Amsterdam _

Carmilla said it again in her sleep. Laura knew because she had been waiting up for it. Two days ago Carmilla had whispered Laura’s name in her sleep, followed by an ‘I’m sorry.’ Today was no different, except a beat later, when Laura had thought she had gone back to sleep, Carmilla had whispered again, ‘so sorry.’

Four days later when Laura had accidentally told Carmilla she loved her before leaving to go to the park, she barely noticed a twitch in Carmilla’s hands as she sipped from her coffee and continued to read from her book.

_ 7 Years and 357 Days of Forever –New York City _

“Come on Carm, don’t you want to look at the lights?” 

“They just block out the stars, cutie.”

“But they’re pretty.”

Carmilla looked at Laura and nodded her head, “Yeah well, pretty things can ruin everything.”

Laura felt the hole in her chest grow with those words, feeling the armor she had built for these outbursts weaken. She didn’t want to stomp her foot and act like a petulant child, but this was her first time in New York, and it was Christmas time, and she really wanted to spend December 23rd with her rude and bitter person. She looked up to find Carmilla at the door, her coat and beanie already on, “Let’s go, before it gets too dark and you can’t see where you’re going.”

Laura woke up the next evening to a stack of chocolate chip pancakes and an awkward half smile from Carmilla. “I’m sorry.” She said, staring down at the table, “I really am trying.” 

Laura knew that Carmilla meant those words. Even if they weren’t enough, she made them be.

_ 18 Years and 27 Days of Forever - Portland _

“I’m really trying Laura!” Carmilla yelled from the opposite side of the room. “I really am, but every time I look at you, all I see is Mattie and her telling me to still protect you, even though you killed her.”

Laura flinched. She could see Carmilla shaking from here. They had gotten into another fight, another fight that would end in guilt and blame from both parties and tears on Laura’s part. 

“I can’t keep apologizing for this, Carm.” Laura said, her voice shaky with emotion. “There’s nothing left for me to say, I’ve worn out every apology about it years ago.”

Carmilla nodded her head, fighting the urge to rip her own hair out or punch another hole through the wall. “I know you have.” She threw her hands up in aggravation, “But I’m still not over it. I’m not over the way she felt in my arms when she died. I’m not over the half-baked apology ginger mutt gave me.” She leaned against the wall, sliding down it so that she was sitting on the hardwood floor, “I’m not over the look on your face when you realized what you had done. I’m not over any of it.” 

Laura bit her lip, taking the few steps it took to reach Carmilla’s side of the room. She sat down next to her and placed a hand on her knee. “I know.” Feeling Carmilla lean into her, knowing that she was fighting off a sob that was beating around in her chest, she pressed a kiss into her hair, “I know.”

_ 24 Years and 32 Days of Forever –Seattle _

Carmilla fell asleep in Laura’s bed four hours ago. 

They had been watching old episodes of Buffy together when she had dozed off somewhere between episode eight and nine of season five, and now Laura couldn’t stop staring at her. She didn’t know what to do. They hadn’t shared a bed in over 36 years. 

Carmilla stirred, rolling onto her stomach, her ponytail starting to loosen. 

Laura felt her breathing pause, quickly looking away and over at the frozen screen on the television. She would just take her chances at falling asleep on the couch.

_ 36 Years and 98 Days of Forever -Ottawa _

“Laura, are you sure this is a good idea?” Carmilla asked from where she stood on the sidewalk outside the front yard. 

“Yeah, I’ve already went over everything he’s going to ask me in my head. I’m ready.” 

Carmilla stayed where she was, “What if I’m not?”

“Carm, it’s my dad.” Laura said, walking back to where Carmilla stood. “You can stay out here if you want, but I want to see him, and if that means I have to explain to him that the world isn’t just full of criminals and every day people who have an eighty year expectancy, then I’m going to tell him.” 

Carmilla nodded her head, “You’re right. I’ll go with you. He might need more than just his dead daughter telling him she isn’t actually dead.”

Laura smiled, holding out her hand for Carmilla to take. “Together.”

Carmilla swallowed, taking her hand slowly in her own, “Together.”

Knocking on the door so as not to startle Laura’s father who was now in his sixties. They expected him to be confused enough when he answered the door, they didn’t need to give him a heart attack by just waltzing into his house. What they didn’t expect was a woman answering the door, “Hi, can I help you?” 

Laura froze for a minute, unsure of what to say. Did her father move? 

“Hi, is Alaric Hollis here?” Carmilla spoke up. 

The woman had to be in her mid-fifties, a streak of grey in her hair. “Yes he is, may I ask who you both are?”

Carmilla looked to Laura, asking with her eyes if she was still sure about the whole thing. 

“Can I ask who you are?” Laura asked, her tone jittery. 

The woman raised a brow, “I’m his aid.” 

“Aid?” Laura didn’t realize her father was in need of one. Sure he was a bit older now, but he was always the type of person to want to do everything himself. 

“Melinda, who’s at the door?” 

Laura watched as her father, much older now, walked into the hallway behind the woman, with a cane, again, very unlike her father. He turned to look at Laura and Carmilla, “May I help you?”

He doesn’t recognize his own daughter? Laura knew that he thought she was dead, but he still would’ve recognized her. 

Carmilla recognized this disease though. She had lived to see plenty of people go through it. “Hello Mr. Hollis, we’re friends of your daughter Laura.”

Laura looked at Carmilla confused, ready to take her head off, “Carm?”

“Oh yes, you must be LaFontaine and Perry, I spoke with you over the phone a few months back.”

 

Before Laura could correct him, to tell him who she really was, he was inviting them inside. Feeling Carmilla pull on her wrist, Laura stumbled forward, heading inside the house. 

“Melinda, could you make us some coffee?” Alaric asked, leading them all into the living room. 

Looking around the room, Laura felt a tug on her heart. Picture frames lined the mantle, perfectly dusted; of her and her father at every birthday from the time she was eight until she was eighteen. Ten years worth of photos, and not a single one cased her mother’s face. That was reserved for the single photo in her father’s room. The one on the day Laura had been born. Everything else had been boxed away and carried up into the attic. Neither one of them could be reminded of her on a daily basis. It had just been too hard.

“This is a lovely place you have, Mr. Hollis.” Carmilla said sitting on the couch across from the armchair he sat in. 

“Please, call me Ric.” He said, setting his cane next to the table beside his chair. “Laura had picked this house herself. After my late wife passed away I thought we could use the change of scenery.”

Carmilla nodded, watching as Laura stood in front of the fireplace, staring at the photographs. 

“I’m sorry, but are you Perry or LaFontaine?” Ric asked Carmilla, bringing back her attention.

“Um, I’m LaFontaine.” Carmilla said, her eyes hedging over to Laura once more. Was she okay?

“That’s what I thought.” Ric said, “You’re the one that likes science. You didn’t sound like Perry, I speak to her usually whenever you two called.”

Laura was growing angry. How could he remember that LaFontaine liked science, but not recognize his own daughter? She knew Alzheimer’s ran in the family, but it just wasn’t fair. She turned and sat beside Carmilla on the couch, feeling her hand slip back into hers. 

“And you must be Perry.” Ric said, his eyes focusing on Laura. 

She held her breath, hoping that if he stared at her long enough, he’d remember, but that moment never came as Melinda entered the room with a pot of coffee and four mugs.

“Cream and sugar?” She asked, setting the tray down on the coffee table. 

“Please.” Laura and Ric said at once.

“No, thanks.” Carmilla responded.

When Alaric was too tired to continue entertaining, they took their leave.

“It was nice to meet you in person, Ric.” Carmilla said, shaking his hand and giving him one of her kind smiles.

“The pleasure is all mine, you two are wonderful young people.” Ric said before turning to shake Laura’s hand. 

Ignoring his hand, Laura went in for a hug, possibly holding him for too long as she breathed in his scent and closed her eyes. This would be the last time she ever saw him, she was sure of it. Pulling away after a moment, she looked in his eyes one last time and saw nothing. “Goodbye, Ric.” She managed to get out before turning to face away from him and start heading back towards the street. She could feel Carmilla’s hand on the small of her waist as she bid Ric one last goodbye, but it didn’t take away the pain of never truly being able to say goodbye to her father.

_ 52 Years and 179 Days of Forever -Dublin _

Carmilla had spent a total of two and a half hours looking for Laura. She found her lying out near a cemetery beneath a willow tree. “Didn’t realize I was rubbing of on you that much, cutie.” She said in form of greeting.

Laura stayed quiet, waiting for Carmilla to sit down next to her. When she did, she could tell it was out of curiosity. 

“What’s got you brooding so soon in your suffering of eternity?” Carmilla asked, as simple as if it was her go-to question for dinner parties. 

“You know, it’s been over half a century since I’ve seen any of my friends.” Laura whispered as she stared out at the rows and rows of tombstones. 

Carmilla followed her line of sight, “Well they’re not exactly there yet, cupcake. They’ve still got another decade or so left.”

“I want to see them, Carm.” Laura said, “I want to tell them I’m sorry for leaving them to clean up my mess.”

Carmilla nodded her head, “We’ll leave in the morning.”

_ 52 Years and 180 Days of Forever –Styria _

They stood outside LaFontaine and Perry’s door hours later.

Laura took notice to the decorative wreath Perry had no doubt made from scratch that hung dead center of their door before knocking. 

They could hear someone shuffle into the hallway that led to the door, followed by a familiar voice, “LaFontaine, was Sammy supposed to visit today?”

Laura felt as if a bucket of ice water was dumped over her head. She could see Carmilla watching her out of the corner of her eye. Suddenly Laura wasn’t so sure she wanted to do this. She simply didn’t fit in their lives anymore.

Before she could overthink it, she felt a weight in her hand as Carmilla took it in her own, offering Laura a small smile just as the front door was opened in front of them. 

“Laura?” Perry’s red ringlets were very much gray now. Crow’s feet near her eyes and laugh lines around her lip told Laura that she and LaFontaine had lived a full and happy life. “What are you doing here?” She asked, her eyes moving between Laura and Carmilla, and then at their joined hands. 

Carmilla pulled her hand away then, embarrassed. 

Laura tried hard not to stumble over her words, when she caught side of LaFontaine entering the hallway behind Perry, wheeling an oxygen tank behind them.

Laura noticed Carmilla avoid eye contact, staring hard at a hangnail. 

“What are you making them stand out there for, it’s getting hot out.” LaF said when they caught sight of who was standing on their front porch. 

“Clearly it doesn’t bother them all too much.” Perry clips out, her lips pursed.

“Come on Perr, I’m sure there’s an explanation for them leaving us high and dry all those years ago.”

Perry whirled around to face them. “You’re telling me you didn’t think Laura was dead all these years?”

LaF shrugged, fiddling with the cannula strap behind their ear. “They both disappeared, as pissed as Carmilla was, there’s no way she’d have killed her.”

Perry grew flustered at that, clearly not happy that her partner knew something she hadn’t. “Laura never wanted to be a vampire though, and if she had she would have told Danny.”

Carmilla looked up at the name, frowning, “Are you going to let us in or not?”

LaFontaine nodded, pulling Perry by the elbow out of the doorway. “Come on in guys, we were just about to have tea.”

Sitting down at the kitchen table, Laura sipped nervously from her cup, avoiding Perry’s angry eyes. Trying to start the conversation, Laura spoke, “How is Danny anyways?”

Silence. Looking around the table, Carmilla was staring into the contents of her cup, LaF was looking at Laura sympathetically, and Perry just looked down right pissed, turning three shades of red as she glared at Carmilla.

“You knew and you didn’t tell her, did you?” Perry asked her.

Carmilla looked up to meet her glare, “What makes you think I knew red wonder kicked the bucket?”

Laura gasped, “You knew Danny passed away and didn’t tell me?”

Carmilla’s jaw twitched, “I found out a few weeks ago.”

“How long ago did she die?” Laura asked, un-spilled tears in her eyes.

LaF spoke up then, “About a year ago.”

Laura blinked, feeling the tears begin to skate down her face. “You found out and still didn’t tell me?” She asked, turning back to Carmilla. She couldn’t believe her. She didn’t care that they had an audience. “Even after Danny’s gone, you’re still jealous of her, of what her and I had.” She shook her head in disbelief, fighting back a sob; “I did this for you, Carm. I turned because I wanted to be with _you_.”

Carmilla glowered down at the tabletop, hand gripping tightly to the hem of her shirt, the other pressing into her temple. She stayed silent. 

Laura rolled her eyes; turning back to LaF and Perry, “Take me to see her grave.”

Later that night, Laura told Carmilla to poof home without her. She needed to be by herself for a while. 

It took Carmilla a whole month before finding Laura. 

It took another two years for Laura to move back in with her.

_ 60 Years and Two Days of Forever –Sicily _

LaFontaine and Perry died exactly one year and a day apart. 

Laura wore the same dress and told Carmilla that she wanted to go alone. 

Carmilla found her later in the day crying inconsolably at her friend’s old kitchen table. She pressed her lips into her golden hair, whispering promises she knew she’d never be able to keep. One thing she did believe to be true though, “The pain doesn’t last forever, but it never gets easier.”

_ 90 Years and 50 Days of Forever –Styria _

“Laura, you’re not doing this!” Carmilla shouted from where she stood in the doorway that led to the roof. 

“Why not?” Laura asked, her throat thick with tears. “Why do you get to choose for me?”

Carmilla looked around the roof before shoving the doorstop in so that they wouldn’t get locked out. “Because I’ve jumped off of this very roof once myself.” Stuffing her hands into her pockets she stepped up onto the ledge beside Laura, “It wasn’t enough. Not for what I wanted.” She sighed, “Not enough bones broke.”

Laura listened intently as her tears finally stopped.

“So I jumped off of five more buildings.” Carmilla said, “Each one taller than the last.” 

“Why’d you stop?” Laura asked, sitting down on the ledge now.

“Because it didn’t kill me.” Carmilla sat down beside her, “I also pulled my head out of my ass.” At Laura’s wet and weak chuckle, Carmilla bumped their shoulders. “You won’t feel like this forever, Laura. Eventually your love for someone else will fill all the cracks you feared would never heal.”

Laura wasn’t sure if it was the words or the way Carmilla was looking at her, but she fell into the older girl’s arms with a sob. “I just wanted to know what it felt like.”

“I know.” Carmilla whispered while stroking her hair, “I know.”

And for a little while those two simple words were enough, because _her_ Carmilla was back, until the next time they fought that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, this was a very rude chapter. Thoughts?


	4. Chapter 4

_ 102 Years and 303 Days of Forever -Rome _

Laura heard a crash followed by Carmilla cursing under her breath. Rolling her eyes, having a feeling she knew exactly what the sound was, she made her way into the kitchen to investigate.

“Carm, what the fuck?”

“Cupcake, you’re still here.”

“Of course I’m still here, I _live_ here.” Laura knew that Carmilla would’ve been able to tell if she had left or not, but she also knew that Carmilla loved to mess with her, if nothing else. 

“So you’re telling me you stayed for the show?” Carmilla asked, brows waggling in suggestion.

Laura thanked her vampire constitution yet again for not allowing her to blush. She looked to the body of Carmilla’s one nightstand now crumpled on the floor, bleeding all over the tile. “You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen.”

“It was _one_ time.” Carmilla said in that weird accent that reminded Laura of the time she bit Kirsch all those years ago, a hand on her hip. “And _your_ kitchen?”

“Yes Carm, _my_ kitchen. I picked out the apartment this time, and your _friend_ is bleeding all over the floor!”

Carmilla chuckled, sucking the excess blood off of her fingers, making sure not to break eye contact as she did. “You know cupcake, what you heard in my room, and in the living room, and right here where we’re standing,” she stepped over the dead body to get closer to Laura, watching her swallow, “can happen to you too. I think I can remember every single one of your sweet spots.” She stopped once she was standing right in front of Laura, smirking.

Laura rolled her eyes, focusing hard on the blood in the corner of Carmilla’s mouth. “You’re a pig.” 

“Technically I’m a panther.” Carmilla stated, her eyes roaming over Laura’s face.

Laura nearly growled out of frustration, watching a chill run up Carmilla’s spine. “What’s your excuse for the body this time?” Last time it was Carmilla’s quote on quote “two course meal” where she got to eat twice. 

“She over stayed her welcome.” Carmilla said, staring at her nails, bored.

Laura sighed, “Clean up your fucking mess.”

_ 130 Years and 97 Days of Forever –Toronto _

Carmilla had been getting on Laura’s nerves for the past two weeks. She was suddenly trying to get into her pants again, and unlike Carmilla, Laura didn’t like to solve their issues with sex. 

“Carm stop, you and I both know that this isn’t going to help.” Laura said, her judgment growing weaker and weaker the closer Carmilla’s hands got. 

Laura had told Carmilla she was tired of finding half dressed girls in her house long after Carmilla had fallen asleep. She also told her that she was tired of being treated like a roommate that she didn’t associate with outside of the rent money. Clearly Carmilla got the wrong idea.

“Come on creampuff, tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop.” Carmilla husked out, her eyes heavy on Laura’s pouted bottom lip.

Laura internally groaned; she hadn’t touched Carmilla in years. Not like what Carmilla was now promising her anyways. She could have it again, even if it was for a short while before Carmilla turned cold and hard again, before they were fighting for real again.

“You are so beautiful.” Carmilla whispered, her teeth coming out to tuck in her own bottom lip.

Laura swallowed, she could remember what kissing Carmilla was like. Could remember what her body felt like beneath her fingertips. She gave in.

Unfortunately for Laura, as soon as she made Carmilla cum, the much older vampire was back to being her cold and harsh self, her body turning hard beneath her touch. As if she realized what she had just done, realized what all of that blood did to her brain, clouding her view of the girl in front of her. 

“Carm I-“

“I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else, cupcake.” Carmilla said, her focus completely on the wall across from her bed. It would take her weeks to get the scent of Laura out of her sheets. She knew this from experience. 

“I can’t believe I actually thought I could start sleeping with you again.” Laura spit out, quickly climbing out of the bed and slipping back into her bra and underwear. “You never change.” She said, “I’m starting to think you never will.”

“300 years, Laura.” Carmilla said, more like whispered as she slid down into her bed, now staring at the ceiling. 

“Are you so sure you’re worth the 300 years, Carm?” Laura asked on her way out of her room, looking back at her once she was in the doorway. “You’re not special Carmilla, not anymore. Not to me.” 

Laura cried herself to sleep that morning. 

Carmilla didn’t sleep at all.

_ 159 Years and 267 Days of Forever –Chicago _

This was it. Laura had had enough. She was sick and tired of waiting. Tired of working her ass off to get on Carmilla’s good side, to have one good day to color in all of the bad ones. She was pissed and she was fed up with all of Carmilla’s unwavering blame and guilt. Fed up with everything involving the person she had once thought was _her_ person. She wasn’t so sure anymore.

“I’m leaving.” Laura said, her duffle bag hanging heavy on one shoulder. 

“What?” Carmilla asked, looking up from her reading. She couldn’t have heard her right. She wouldn’t just leave. Not like this. 

“I can’t stop thinking of that fight we had the last time we had sex.”

“That was over twenty years ago.” Carmilla said, sitting up and shutting her book. 

“Maybe, but have you budged in the slightest in forgiving me?” At Carmilla’s silence she got her answer. “That’s what I thought.” She inched closer to the door, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to do it if she stayed for too long talking about it, if she gave Carmilla enough time to talk her out of it. 

“You said you wouldn’t regret me being your only constant.” Carmilla whispered. Her tone was a bit shallow, as if she was near drowning looking back on their past. 

“Well I do regret it.” Laura said. “I regret all of it. I’m stuck on this planet now knowing that everyone I ever grew to love is dead.” Except for you. “I am stuck here being pushed around by you. I am letting you hold me down and keep me from being something great. I stayed forever nineteen for you Carmilla, and now I’m regretting ever making that decision because you’re never going to forgive me.” She stared down at her feet, “And I’m never going to forgive myself if I continue to live an eternity like this.”

“Laura-“

“No Carm, I’m done. Whatever this is-“ Laura motioned at the air between them, “It’s done.”

“So you’re just going to leave me then.”

“You pushed me to make that decision Carm, you made me want to leave. You made me hate you, and in turn I hate myself.” Laura opened the front door, walking out into the hallway. “Maybe in a couple hundred years we can try again, but we both need to change before that can happen.”

Carmilla was up off the couch and over by the door in seconds, “Don’t you love me?”

Laura swallowed, tears apparent in her eyes. “I used to.”

Carmilla’s mouth was left a gap, her eyes wide and filled with their own tears. “You don’t mean that.”

“I wish I didn’t.” Laura said, “But I do, and I’m leaving before you can convince me to stay.” She turned then, heading down the hallway towards the stairs. 

“Laura, wait!”

“Goodbye, Carmilla.”

_ 171 Years and 32 Days of Making the Best of It –Wales _

It had been twelve years since Carmilla had seen Laura last. 

It was Laura’s birthday. 

It was Laura’s birthday and she bought a single chocolate cupcake. She bought a box of birthday candles and threw them all away except for one. She stuck the remaining one into the cupcake, lit it, and then went to bed. 

“Happy birthday, cupcake.” She whispered before dozing off.

In the morning an entire shell of wax covered the cupcake. 

She threw it out.

_ 195 Years and 44 Days of Making the Best of It -Ottawa _

It had been 24 years since Laura had seen Carmilla last. 

It was Carmilla’s birthday, Valentine’s Day of all days.

Laura bought a dozen red roses and sat next to a fountain in a park. She plucked off each single petal and dropped it into the water, watching them float and reflect off of the lights. She threw out the stems after pricking herself twice. “Happy birthday, Carm.” She whispered after sucking the blood off her skin. 

She went back to the house, her father’s house, and slept for four days.

_ 225 Years and 41 Days of Making the Best of It -Baltimore _

Carmilla lay in her studio apartment, headphones blaring in her ears after she fell asleep on the couch, a book open and slipping off of her stomach as she rolled over. 

It had been raining for three straight days. It had snowed the week before. Carmilla was miserable. She hated being wet for unnecessary purposes.

She also missed Laura.

Laura had gone on to write many journalism pieces under various different pseudonyms. The only reason Carmilla knew this was because they had started writing emails back and forth. There were rules though, Laura had made sure of that. It had been almost seventy years since they had last been face to face, but Laura seemed content that way. Carmilla though, was not.

The rules ranged from no conversation about getting back together or missing one another, no exchanging of phone numbers, and most importantly no more blaming or guilt. Which left them with what they were currently up to. Carmilla usually had to delete half of her emails.

_ 247 Years and 144 Days of Making the Best of It -Boston _

Laura had gone back to school. It kept her busy and her mind occupied from thinking about Carmilla who was currently over in Scotland. 

She was studying for a Masters in English, similar to her original plan.

She wasn’t too sure what Carmilla was up to, she never said much in her emails, aside from her usual philosophical nonsense and the constellations she was able to see the night before. There were a lot. 

Laura had a feeling Carmilla was holding back, she knew _she_ was. She wondered if Carmilla found some other girl to call by her first name. 

Late at night once her roommate was asleep, Laura allowed herself to wish Carmilla hadn’t.

_ 268 Years and 162 Days of Making the Best of It –San Francisco _

Laura had gone to pride.

Laura Hollis had gone to San Francisco’s Pride without Carmilla.

She made up for it in complementary booze and drunk dancing women.

The next morning she really wish she had someone to hold her hair back as she threw up an entire cowboy boot shaped glass of tequila.

She doesn’t remember trying to call Carmilla’s old number with tears in her eyes.

_ 272 Years and 88 Days of Making the Best of It –Salem _

Carmilla owned a cat now. 

He had followed her home from the library one day and shot through the doorway between her feet, ignoring Carmilla’s warning hiss. 

She named him Stockholm.

He slept in the bed with her at her feet because he was lucky he still had his hide, Carmilla had told him when he was first upgraded to the bedroom. 

She fed him canned tuna until he licked his paws clean and refused to move, and told him all kinds of stories about her long since finished adventures with a cat named Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	5. Chapter 5

_ 290 Years and 1 Day of Making the Best of It –Montreal _

Laura was starting to think she was seeing things. She was beginning to chalk it up to insanity. Surely that could happen when you live forever, right?

Walking down the streets of Montreal, on her way to her office she had rented out, she came across a short brunette maybe an inch taller than herself, in a leather jacket and ripped skinny jeans. She had walked into a small café with her head down and a book in the crook of her elbow. 

It couldn’t be her though; they hadn’t crossed paths in over a century. 

The world was a big place, and Carmilla loved Europe more than any place else. 

It couldn’t have been her.

It couldn’t have been.

_ 290 Years and 2 Days of Making the Best of It -Montreal _

Carmilla had heard a familiar voice talking to themselves about mental illnesses on her way to get coffee, but when she turned to put the voice to a face, the girl was gone.

She knew she wasn’t crazy though. 

Smiling as she ordered her coffee and settled down into a nook to read, she knew it was her.

She and Laura had made it back to each other without realizing it.

_ 291 Years and 72 Days of Making the Best of It –Montreal _

Laura tried dating again.

She went out to dinner with a lovely girl named Samantha, but the girl was still hung up on someone she met at a bar the night before.

Laura kissed her and felt sick to her stomach. 

She deleted the number off her phone before unlocking her front door.

_ 291 Years and 73 Days of Making the Best of It -Montreal _

Carmilla was finished with one-night stands.

Samantha or whatever her name was would be the last one. She washed her sheets and retired her seduction eyes to only moments where she wanted her way without any sex actually involved.

If Laura was really in Montreal, it meant it was time for her to clean up her act.

Starting with her ego.

_ 299 Years and 365 Days of Making the Best of It -Montreal _

Laura sat in her living room, slowly falling asleep to the Criminal Minds marathon she had on the television.

The buzzer woke her up.

Stumbling to her feet, she made her way over to the intercom. “I’m sorry, I think you’ve hit the wrong apartment number.” She said. She didn’t have any friends, none that would show up to her place unannounced at 11:50 on New Year’s Eve.

Another buzz.

“Listen, I don’t think you understand-“

The buzzer went off a third time. 

“Fine, clearly you don’t see the point in speech, so I’ll just have to come down there. I’m warning you though, I’m a black belt in krav maga.” She took the stairs from the third floor down, hesitating for a moment on the bottom stair when she caught sight of who was standing on the other side of the front door. “Carm?”

Carmilla smiled nervously, her fingerless gloves clear in showing that her fingers were bright red from the cold. 

Laura quickly moved the rest of the way to the front door, opening it to let her in. “How’d you know where I lived?”

Carmilla continued to stand outside, not budging. She was a vampire; she could handle the cold for a little while longer. “I heard you one day on the street. I was already living here, I didn’t stalk you.”

Laura crossed her arms over her chest, “Then how’d you know where I lived?”

Carmilla smiled an awkward smile, “So I stalked you a little bit.”

“How long did you wait before coming here?”

“Ten years.”

Laura sucked air in through her teeth. Ten years. Well that was a lot longer than she had expected. It was a lot longer than she would ever expect Carmilla to wait.

“Now I know it’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m the last person you want to see,” Carmilla started, looking at a spot somewhere over Laura’s shoulder, “But I wanted to see you, and I wanted to tell you that you won.”

“Won?” Laura asked, confused.

Carmilla nodded, “You beat me at my own game. I thought it would be easy, that if I pushed you, you would somehow realize what I was going through and would give me more time to get my head out of my ass, but I was wrong.”

Laura’s brows shot up at that end statement. Carmilla never said she was wrong, ever.

“You left, which I now understand was the best thing for you to do.” Carmilla said, looking at her watch for the time, “I now understand that simply wanting you isn’t going to make a relationship.” 

Laura felt her chest swell at the words; Carmilla was finally starting to see things her way.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I went over what I was going to say to you when I finally saw you again for a straight week. I was so nervous that you wouldn’t even listen to me when you got down here to open the door.”

“That’s why you didn’t talk into the intercom.” Laura said.

Carmilla nodded, smiling a bit warmer now. Looking to her watch once more, she looked back up to meet Laura’s eyes. “And it’s now 11:58 on New Year’s Eve, two minutes away from being three hundred years since you’ve been turned.”

Realization hit Laura hard then, washing over her like a cold shower. “Carm, what makes you think that I’ll take you back?”

Carmilla held up a hand, “Please, give me these last two minutes to tell you why I _don’t_ think you should, and why I hope you will.”

Laura nodded, shifting her weight onto one foot. “I’m listening.”

Carmilla closed her eyes, opening them after letting out a shaky breath. “After you left, I sat up for three days straight doing nothing but drinking blood. Blood laced with all kinds of alcohols so that I could be intoxicated as a human and a vampire. It was disgusting. _I_ was disgusting.” She nervously picked at a frayed end of her sleeve. “I just wanted you back, I didn’t care what you did all those years ago, I only cared about not being able to see you. What I realized though, is that you may have made me suffer by not being there, but I hurt you more by being there and pressuring you to change.” 

Laura listened to every word, looking at her own phone to notice Carmilla’s two minutes was now one.

“I didn’t deserve you Laura, I never did.” Carmilla said, “But if there’s anything to say about the past ten years, it’s that I changed enough to make myself worthy of you.” Carmilla took a step into the doorway, allowing the door to shut behind her. “Loving you is a waiting game, I don’t want to have to wait anymore.”

Laura and Carmilla both looked down to their respective clocks. 

It was midnight.

“So what do you say, think you might want to get to know me all over again?” Carmilla asked, her legs practically jumping with all of the nerves running through her. 

Laura bit her lip, “Does that mean I can’t kiss you?”

“It means whatever you want it to mean.”

“It means I want to kiss you.” Laura said, moving forward to push into Carmilla’s personal space, pressing her warm lips firmly onto Carmilla’s cold ones. All of the feelings she had been ignoring for decades now, all came flooding back to weave their way back around her heart. Pulling back, Laura pressed her forehead against Carmilla’s, catching her breath. “This doesn’t mean we’re having sex.” Laura whispered, biting her lip again.

Carmilla smiled, her numb cheeks hurting as they stretched to accommodate it. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Oh you wouldn’t, would you?”

“Maybe a little bit.” Carmilla said, grinning even wider at Laura’s chuckle. “I missed you, Laura.”

Laura nodded, “I missed you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is all! Thoughts?

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> You can find me here: thisismyhalfroomcutie.tumblr.com


End file.
